As an award-winning BBC journalist for over 20 years, I thought I was an excellent listener. It was my job after all – to pay close attention, ask insightful questions, and tell people’s stories. But when I started training as an executive coach, I had a startling realisation. For much of my career, I had been in the driver’s seat of conversations, just waiting for my chance to ask a brilliant question or share my own fantastic idea. I wasn’t truly listening.
This epiphany sparked my journey to understand what it means to listen deeply. In my book, Deep Listening, I share what I’ve learned, an approach to listening to understand, without trying to fix or convince. It’s a way of offering our full presence, which allows others to go deeper into their own truth.
I draw inspiration from master listeners like Nelson Mandela. Soon after he was elected president, as a new BBC reporter, I witnessed him come face to face with a crisis: troops massing outside the government headquarters in Pretoria.
Before addressing them, Mandela spent over an hour among the soldiers, giving each his full attention, listening without judgement. His listening and reflections transformed what could have been a revolt. The soldiers dispersed peacefully, feeling truly heard.
“I’ve learned so much from all the people I’ve featured in this book”
I’ve learned so much from all the people I’ve featured in this book – a Canadian First Nation tour guide, a Nigerian Nobel laureate, a Japanese Tea Ceremony master, US psychologists, a Tanzanian feminist, and a teacher in Lebanon. Their wisdom has transformed my own relationships and outlook. My hope is that by sharing their stories and the approach that I’ve developed, this book can be a guide and companion on readers’ own listening journeys – to understand themselves and others more deeply, to listen better to their children, their partners, their colleagues, and to strangers who they normally would dismiss.
Deep Listening distils insights from powerful encounters, scientific research, and my experience training thousands of people in over 100 countries. The book outlines an 8-step approach – from preparing yourself internally to navigating challenges like silence and strong emotions. But it’s not a rigid formula. It’s an invitation to experiment, to bring more presence and open-hearted curiosity to every interaction. I hope that my black ink illustrations will also inspire readers to move from transactional to more transformational listening. In a time of polarisation and disconnection, Deep Listening is, I hope, a timely invitation to forge understanding and more profound connections with the people most important in our lives and those who think differently. I believe that by meeting others with openness and empathy, we can expand our world.
– Emily Kasriel
About the book
22 May 2025
Too often, we bring our own assumptions and agendas to our conversations with others. It is common to feel that we already know the ‘right’ way of thinking about something, so, when people disagree or promote conflicting ideas, we might not be really interested in listening to them. We may dial down our level of concentration or tune out altogether. The unspoken assumption is, why should we invest in hearing their perspective when we already know they are wrong?
These behaviours don’t strongly interfere in small, everyday conversations, such as when we run into our neighbours or have a chat at the office. But when there are significant matters at stake, and when a conflict could be resolved or reignited by the tenor of a conversation, they can cause significant damage. They allow us to pretend not to notice people who are really damaged, and who, on the deepest, most personal level, just crave being listened to.
Emily Kasriel explores the barriers that prevent us from respectful, Deep Listening and explains how to overcome them.
